it feels good to feel good

the sky seems brighter,
the grass greener,
waking up in the morning is a joy,
because i am looking forward to the new day.

i look for the positive in a negative situation,
and cant wipe the smile off my face,

i want to share it with everyone,
but there is no way to explain it.
there is not a single word that i can think of
to explain,
this feeling.

whatever it is, its good,
better than good..
fluttery
shakey
tingly
heart pounding
good

i almost feel as if i am going to wake up any minute,
thinking i just had an AMAZING dream,
and try desperatly to go back to sleep.

if its a dream, i hope i never wake up.

she's got a way

She's got a way about her
I don't know what it is
But I know that I can't live without her
She's got a way of pleasin'
I don't know why it is
But there doesn't have to be a reason
Anyway

She's got a smile that heals me
I don't know what it is
But I have to laugh when she reveals me
She's got a way of talkin'
I don't know what it is
But it lifts me up when we are walkin'
Anywhere

She comes to me when I'm feelin' down
Inspires me without a sound
She touches me and I get turned around

She's got a way of showin'
How I make her feel
And I find the strength to keep on goin'
She's got a light around her
And everywhere she goes
A million dreams of love surround her
Everywhere

She comes to me when I'm feelin' down
Inspires me without a sound
She touches me and I get turned around
She's got a smile that heals me
I don't know what it is
But I have to laugh when she reveals me

She's got a way about her
I don't know what it is
But I know that I can't live without her
Anyway


she's got a way..
billy joel..


LOVE this song..
i was told it was on while i was in the shower lastnight. ;)


i dont have any great thoughts for the day..
this song moves me
so i wanted to share..



xoxo

acceptance

thats the subject for the day.
i mentioned it in yesterdays post but thought it deserved its own.

this is new to me
acceptance the reason
for me being so shy?
afraid to say or do the wrong thing
look stupid,
find the need to insert my foot in my mouth
when meeting new people.
it makes perfect sense.
acceptance is what my life revolves around,
always has, starting with daddy,
always wanting to be his perfect little girl,
working in the workshop with him at 5
i remember trying to hit the nail just right,
just like him, perfect the first time.
i'm now 26 and still i wont curse or so much as say ass in front of him.
still i look for acceptance.

i am always me,
take me as i am
there isnt much to me, and what you see is what you get
but sometimes,
ok, most of the time,
the fear of not being accepted
gets in the way of me.
maybe i dont always speak my mind,
or maybe i keep my opinions to myself
but im still me.

the people that matter
have already ACCEPTED
but every so often the fear creeps back in
and i need to be reminded.
THANK YOU for the patients
it is greatly appreciated.

but here is the question..
i'm sure on some level most people worry about acceptance
but how many, and on what level?

also, i am going to work on WHY it is so important to me.
i had a very good childhood
was a lucky kid
WHY do i have the fear of not being accepted?
WHY does it stop me from doing things i want to do?
i need to overcome this.
i know i can do it
its just a matter of time.


until next time
xoxo

what makes 2 people click?

have you ever wondered just what it is?
is it chemistry? astrological? fate? i myself dont have a clue, but i often wonder..
when you cant quite explain why you get along with someone so well, why you trust them almost automatically, and have no fear of this almost complete stranger.
when there is no void in conversation, no silent awkwardness, and you could talk forever about practically nothing at all. when saying goodbye is hard, and more often than not, prolonged by an extra mini conversation inbetween the initial goodbye and the actual one, then when you do leave you replay the meeting or get together in your head, with a smile, and feel happy.

so take that in itself and its odd, how two strangers can connect, then you put the internet in the mix and it gets even more strange. there is no voice, no facial expresions, and you depend on question marks, exclamation points and smiley's to get your point across.
and when you can do that and still have an interesting conversation, again, with no awkward silence, and its even harder to say goodbye, or type it rather..
its facinating to me.

this doesnt happen often to me, the honest feeling of connection. its actually only happened a handful of times, and i think its because i only open myself up to certain ones or let certain ones in.. i'm not sure. maybe if i opened up to more people, there would be more connections, but there's a gut feeling i have to have, a feeling of ACCEPTANCE. i just learned that this week, thanks to a very special friend of mine who seems to know me better than i know myself. but acceptance would be another blog in itself. i'll save that for tomorrow.

so, to my recent connection, i just want to say thank you, for good conversation, laughs, and ACCEPTANCE!.. there is no better gift.


xoxo

2 more days

2 more days
until we find out what we are having (hopefully)
kira was so stubborn, we didnt find out until just before we had her.

i am routing for a girl..
tim wants a boy
and kira doesnt care either way.

i dont think tim and i really care either,
i'd just really like to know so i can start buying things, lol..

i dont know boys..
i only know girls
with ribbons and bows.

im sure i'd learn to know boys
if i had one.

boys always love thier mamma.


im thinking of homeschooling kira.
can i do it?
do i have enough patients?
there's a lot of research still
so for now its just a thought.
is dance class concidered physical education to the state of fl?
i'd have to get a tutor for history.

on to another day of work!

ttyl

xoxo





********UPDATE***********
WE'RE HAVING A BABY BOY!!

lottery tickets

every wed. and sat. my husband buys two lottery tickets
and every week, never fails, he gets in the car with his two tickets in hand, (one quick pick, and one with numbers that we picked) and says "boy would this be nice".

but would it really be nice?
of course money is good, and you need it to survive but there must be cons associated with it also.

its like fame.
i wouldnt want fame for all the money in the world.
people following you everywhere,
scrutinizing the way you live your life, raise your children.
"you're too fat"
"you're too skinny"
"dont let your kids play like that, they'll get hurt"

that would drive me crazy..

complete strangers telling you they love you or hate you..
how do you know who to trust?
people tell me i trust too easily, so i do not think i'd do well with fame.

i give them credit though.. the famous ones..
it must be hard.

ro says dont engage in the hate and the darkness
i wonder how long it took her to be able to do that.
and all the cruel words, do they really not hurt?
i think they do,
maybe with fame comes a sort of numbness to it all

what i would give to sit down and have lunch with ro
to discuss all this and more.

a smart woman said yesterday
"be careful what you wish for"
(not directly to me, just in general)
and i believe that is true,
i do not wish to win the lottery
and i kind of cringe when my husband does..



xoxo..


here's a RO clip for the day..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TB6Tl3-BJAE

over it

betrayal sucks
im personally over it
but not over it for those who had a personal attack
sympathy
empathy
pain
worry
all for them

i trust too easily
some say
but i have a good gut
i know who to open to
and so far have not been proven wrong

yes there are bad out there
but most are good

i hope everyone can heal fully
with no regrets

love to all
u know who u are


xoxo

Write it Down

a vid rbloggers did for ro..
ro recieved the video,
loved it,
and even posted it on her site!!

omg, i cant really even type right now...



xoxo

cool!

so my friend jessica..
(who i must say is awsome!)
introduced me to bravenet.com
its totally free and they have lots of neat stuff for the blog

i added an email form so u can email me right from here..
a map so u can post urself on it..
and a counter thingy
so i can tell how many people (if any)
come visit me..

more neat stuff to come..

oh also..
i am working up the nerve to start doing talky blogs to spice this place up a little
so b on the look out for lots of fun new stuff..


talk to ya later..


xoxo

frustrated

i cant get the blog to look the way i want it to
why is it so hard to get 3 columns
because its free?

i tried the whole website thing
i was lost
called godaddy.com 3 days later
told them to cancel me

so blogger.com
make a 3 column layout please

or someone out in blogger world show me how.