curled up in the dark
most of my life
alone
thinking it was wrong
trying to ignore what i thought
and go on with a "normal" life
26 years of living how i think others want me to
each day
brings a bit more bravery
to come out of the dark
and into the light
i like the light
i hate the dark
but at times the dark is comforting
being by myself
there are no opinions in the dark
and i cant hurt anyone else
just how long can one live in the dark
there must come a time when
the light wins
and for once
I am happy
i need to be comfortable in the light
in time
i hope
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Friday, August 24, 2007
little mermaid
i just read on perezhilton.com
little mermaid is coming to broadway!!
i am so excited
that in itself is a good reason
to take a trip to ny.
just wanted to share..
i just dont know how to find out
when it will be there..
if anyone knows how i can find out
please let me know
xoxo
little mermaid is coming to broadway!!
i am so excited
that in itself is a good reason
to take a trip to ny.
just wanted to share..
i just dont know how to find out
when it will be there..
if anyone knows how i can find out
please let me know
xoxo
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
ro posted and i wanted to share..
Buddhika Jayamaha is an Army specialist.
Wesley D. Smith is a sergeant.
Jeremy Roebuck is a sergeant.
Omar Mora is a sergeant.
Edward Sandmeier is a sergeant.
Yance T. Gray is a staff sergeant.
Jeremy A. Murphy is a staff sergeant.
this is their NYT OPED
VIEWED from Iraq at the tail end of a 15-month deployment, the political debate in Washington is indeed surreal. Counterinsurgency is, by definition, a competition between insurgents and counterinsurgents for the control and support of a population. To believe that Americans, with an occupying force that long ago outlived its reluctant welcome, can win over a recalcitrant local population and win this counterinsurgency is far-fetched. As responsible infantrymen and noncommissioned officers with the 82nd Airborne Division soon heading back home, we are skeptical of recent press coverage portraying the conflict as increasingly manageable and feel it has neglected the mounting civil, political and social unrest we see every day. (Obviously, these are our personal views and should not be seen as official within our chain of command.)
The claim that we are increasingly in control of the battlefields in Iraq is an assessment arrived at through a flawed, American-centered framework. Yes, we are militarily superior, but our successes are offset by failures elsewhere. What soldiers call the “battle space” remains the same, with changes only at the margins. It is crowded with actors who do not fit neatly into boxes: Sunni extremists, Al Qaeda terrorists, Shiite militiamen, criminals and armed tribes. This situation is made more complex by the questionable loyalties and Janus-faced role of the Iraqi police and Iraqi Army, which have been trained and armed at United States taxpayers’ expense.
A few nights ago, for example, we witnessed the death of one American soldier and the critical wounding of two others when a lethal armor-piercing explosive was detonated between an Iraqi Army checkpoint and a police one. Local Iraqis readily testified to American investigators that Iraqi police and Army officers escorted the triggermen and helped plant the bomb. These civilians highlighted their own predicament: had they informed the Americans of the bomb before the incident, the Iraqi Army, the police or the local Shiite militia would have killed their families.
As many grunts will tell you, this is a near-routine event. Reports that a majority of Iraqi Army commanders are now reliable partners can be considered only misleading rhetoric. The truth is that battalion commanders, even if well meaning, have little to no influence over the thousands of obstinate men under them, in an incoherent chain of command, who are really loyal only to their militias.
Similarly, Sunnis, who have been underrepresented in the new Iraqi armed forces, now find themselves forming militias, sometimes with our tacit support. Sunnis recognize that the best guarantee they may have against Shiite militias and the Shiite-dominated government is to form their own armed bands. We arm them to aid in our fight against Al Qaeda.
However, while creating proxies is essential in winning a counterinsurgency, it requires that the proxies are loyal to the center that we claim to support. Armed Sunni tribes have indeed become effective surrogates, but the enduring question is where their loyalties would lie in our absence. The Iraqi government finds itself working at cross purposes with us on this issue because it is justifiably fearful that Sunni militias will turn on it should the Americans leave.
In short, we operate in a bewildering context of determined enemies and questionable allies, one where the balance of forces on the ground remains entirely unclear. (In the course of writing this article, this fact became all too clear: one of us, Staff Sergeant Murphy, an Army Ranger and reconnaissance team leader, was shot in the head during a “time-sensitive target acquisition mission” on Aug. 12; he is expected to survive and is being flown to a military hospital in the United States.) While we have the will and the resources to fight in this context, we are effectively hamstrung because realities on the ground require measures we will always refuse — namely, the widespread use of lethal and brutal force.
Given the situation, it is important not to assess security from an American-centered perspective. The ability of, say, American observers to safely walk down the streets of formerly violent towns is not a resounding indicator of security. What matters is the experience of the local citizenry and the future of our counterinsurgency. When we take this view, we see that a vast majority of Iraqis feel increasingly insecure and view us as an occupation force that has failed to produce normalcy after four years and is increasingly unlikely to do so as we continue to arm each warring side.
Coupling our military strategy to an insistence that the Iraqis meet political benchmarks for reconciliation is also unhelpful. The morass in the government has fueled impatience and confusion while providing no semblance of security to average Iraqis. Leaders are far from arriving at a lasting political settlement. This should not be surprising, since a lasting political solution will not be possible while the military situation remains in constant flux.
The Iraqi government is run by the main coalition partners of the Shiite-dominated United Iraqi Alliance, with Kurds as minority members. The Shiite clerical establishment formed the alliance to make sure its people did not succumb to the same mistake as in 1920: rebelling against the occupying Western force (then the British) and losing what they believed was their inherent right to rule Iraq as the majority. The qualified and reluctant welcome we received from the Shiites since the invasion has to be seen in that historical context. They saw in us something useful for the moment.
Now that moment is passing, as the Shiites have achieved what they believe is rightfully theirs. Their next task is to figure out how best to consolidate the gains, because reconciliation without consolidation risks losing it all. Washington’s insistence that the Iraqis correct the three gravest mistakes we made — de-Baathification, the dismantling of the Iraqi Army and the creation of a loose federalist system of government — places us at cross purposes with the government we have committed to support.
Political reconciliation in Iraq will occur, but not at our insistence or in ways that meet our benchmarks. It will happen on Iraqi terms when the reality on the battlefield is congruent with that in the political sphere. There will be no magnanimous solutions that please every party the way we expect, and there will be winners and losers. The choice we have left is to decide which side we will take. Trying to please every party in the conflict — as we do now — will only ensure we are hated by all in the long run.
At the same time, the most important front in the counterinsurgency, improving basic social and economic conditions, is the one on which we have failed most miserably. Two million Iraqis are in refugee camps in bordering countries. Close to two million more are internally displaced and now fill many urban slums. Cities lack regular electricity, telephone services and sanitation. “Lucky” Iraqis live in gated communities barricaded with concrete blast walls that provide them with a sense of communal claustrophobia rather than any sense of security we would consider normal.
In a lawless environment where men with guns rule the streets, engaging in the banalities of life has become a death-defying act. Four years into our occupation, we have failed on every promise, while we have substituted Baath Party tyranny with a tyranny of Islamist, militia and criminal violence. When the primary preoccupation of average Iraqis is when and how they are likely to be killed, we can hardly feel smug as we hand out care packages. As an Iraqi man told us a few days ago with deep resignation, “We need security, not free food.”
In the end, we need to recognize that our presence may have released Iraqis from the grip of a tyrant, but that it has also robbed them of their self-respect. They will soon realize that the best way to regain dignity is to call us what we are — an army of occupation — and force our withdrawal.
Until that happens, it would be prudent for us to increasingly let Iraqis take center stage in all matters, to come up with a nuanced policy in which we assist them from the margins but let them resolve their differences as they see fit. This suggestion is not meant to be defeatist, but rather to highlight our pursuit of incompatible policies to absurd ends without recognizing the incongruities.
We need not talk about our morale. As committed soldiers, we will see this mission through.
================================
GOD BLESS YOU
THANK YOU
AMEN
Wesley D. Smith is a sergeant.
Jeremy Roebuck is a sergeant.
Omar Mora is a sergeant.
Edward Sandmeier is a sergeant.
Yance T. Gray is a staff sergeant.
Jeremy A. Murphy is a staff sergeant.
this is their NYT OPED
VIEWED from Iraq at the tail end of a 15-month deployment, the political debate in Washington is indeed surreal. Counterinsurgency is, by definition, a competition between insurgents and counterinsurgents for the control and support of a population. To believe that Americans, with an occupying force that long ago outlived its reluctant welcome, can win over a recalcitrant local population and win this counterinsurgency is far-fetched. As responsible infantrymen and noncommissioned officers with the 82nd Airborne Division soon heading back home, we are skeptical of recent press coverage portraying the conflict as increasingly manageable and feel it has neglected the mounting civil, political and social unrest we see every day. (Obviously, these are our personal views and should not be seen as official within our chain of command.)
The claim that we are increasingly in control of the battlefields in Iraq is an assessment arrived at through a flawed, American-centered framework. Yes, we are militarily superior, but our successes are offset by failures elsewhere. What soldiers call the “battle space” remains the same, with changes only at the margins. It is crowded with actors who do not fit neatly into boxes: Sunni extremists, Al Qaeda terrorists, Shiite militiamen, criminals and armed tribes. This situation is made more complex by the questionable loyalties and Janus-faced role of the Iraqi police and Iraqi Army, which have been trained and armed at United States taxpayers’ expense.
A few nights ago, for example, we witnessed the death of one American soldier and the critical wounding of two others when a lethal armor-piercing explosive was detonated between an Iraqi Army checkpoint and a police one. Local Iraqis readily testified to American investigators that Iraqi police and Army officers escorted the triggermen and helped plant the bomb. These civilians highlighted their own predicament: had they informed the Americans of the bomb before the incident, the Iraqi Army, the police or the local Shiite militia would have killed their families.
As many grunts will tell you, this is a near-routine event. Reports that a majority of Iraqi Army commanders are now reliable partners can be considered only misleading rhetoric. The truth is that battalion commanders, even if well meaning, have little to no influence over the thousands of obstinate men under them, in an incoherent chain of command, who are really loyal only to their militias.
Similarly, Sunnis, who have been underrepresented in the new Iraqi armed forces, now find themselves forming militias, sometimes with our tacit support. Sunnis recognize that the best guarantee they may have against Shiite militias and the Shiite-dominated government is to form their own armed bands. We arm them to aid in our fight against Al Qaeda.
However, while creating proxies is essential in winning a counterinsurgency, it requires that the proxies are loyal to the center that we claim to support. Armed Sunni tribes have indeed become effective surrogates, but the enduring question is where their loyalties would lie in our absence. The Iraqi government finds itself working at cross purposes with us on this issue because it is justifiably fearful that Sunni militias will turn on it should the Americans leave.
In short, we operate in a bewildering context of determined enemies and questionable allies, one where the balance of forces on the ground remains entirely unclear. (In the course of writing this article, this fact became all too clear: one of us, Staff Sergeant Murphy, an Army Ranger and reconnaissance team leader, was shot in the head during a “time-sensitive target acquisition mission” on Aug. 12; he is expected to survive and is being flown to a military hospital in the United States.) While we have the will and the resources to fight in this context, we are effectively hamstrung because realities on the ground require measures we will always refuse — namely, the widespread use of lethal and brutal force.
Given the situation, it is important not to assess security from an American-centered perspective. The ability of, say, American observers to safely walk down the streets of formerly violent towns is not a resounding indicator of security. What matters is the experience of the local citizenry and the future of our counterinsurgency. When we take this view, we see that a vast majority of Iraqis feel increasingly insecure and view us as an occupation force that has failed to produce normalcy after four years and is increasingly unlikely to do so as we continue to arm each warring side.
Coupling our military strategy to an insistence that the Iraqis meet political benchmarks for reconciliation is also unhelpful. The morass in the government has fueled impatience and confusion while providing no semblance of security to average Iraqis. Leaders are far from arriving at a lasting political settlement. This should not be surprising, since a lasting political solution will not be possible while the military situation remains in constant flux.
The Iraqi government is run by the main coalition partners of the Shiite-dominated United Iraqi Alliance, with Kurds as minority members. The Shiite clerical establishment formed the alliance to make sure its people did not succumb to the same mistake as in 1920: rebelling against the occupying Western force (then the British) and losing what they believed was their inherent right to rule Iraq as the majority. The qualified and reluctant welcome we received from the Shiites since the invasion has to be seen in that historical context. They saw in us something useful for the moment.
Now that moment is passing, as the Shiites have achieved what they believe is rightfully theirs. Their next task is to figure out how best to consolidate the gains, because reconciliation without consolidation risks losing it all. Washington’s insistence that the Iraqis correct the three gravest mistakes we made — de-Baathification, the dismantling of the Iraqi Army and the creation of a loose federalist system of government — places us at cross purposes with the government we have committed to support.
Political reconciliation in Iraq will occur, but not at our insistence or in ways that meet our benchmarks. It will happen on Iraqi terms when the reality on the battlefield is congruent with that in the political sphere. There will be no magnanimous solutions that please every party the way we expect, and there will be winners and losers. The choice we have left is to decide which side we will take. Trying to please every party in the conflict — as we do now — will only ensure we are hated by all in the long run.
At the same time, the most important front in the counterinsurgency, improving basic social and economic conditions, is the one on which we have failed most miserably. Two million Iraqis are in refugee camps in bordering countries. Close to two million more are internally displaced and now fill many urban slums. Cities lack regular electricity, telephone services and sanitation. “Lucky” Iraqis live in gated communities barricaded with concrete blast walls that provide them with a sense of communal claustrophobia rather than any sense of security we would consider normal.
In a lawless environment where men with guns rule the streets, engaging in the banalities of life has become a death-defying act. Four years into our occupation, we have failed on every promise, while we have substituted Baath Party tyranny with a tyranny of Islamist, militia and criminal violence. When the primary preoccupation of average Iraqis is when and how they are likely to be killed, we can hardly feel smug as we hand out care packages. As an Iraqi man told us a few days ago with deep resignation, “We need security, not free food.”
In the end, we need to recognize that our presence may have released Iraqis from the grip of a tyrant, but that it has also robbed them of their self-respect. They will soon realize that the best way to regain dignity is to call us what we are — an army of occupation — and force our withdrawal.
Until that happens, it would be prudent for us to increasingly let Iraqis take center stage in all matters, to come up with a nuanced policy in which we assist them from the margins but let them resolve their differences as they see fit. This suggestion is not meant to be defeatist, but rather to highlight our pursuit of incompatible policies to absurd ends without recognizing the incongruities.
We need not talk about our morale. As committed soldiers, we will see this mission through.
================================
GOD BLESS YOU
THANK YOU
AMEN
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
secret
im going to let you guys in on a secret.
i have told only a select few in the past year
but i now need some help.
so i will share with my blog and internet friends and
if you have any suggestions let me know.
about a year ago i wrote a childrens book.
the book is meant to be read at bedtime by some of the wording
but the way it was written, it can be read to ANY child by ANYONE.
weather its a parent,aunt,uncle,cousin,babysitter,sibling,ect. there is no reference to
mommy,daddy, ect so it does not single out children in the "traditional" family setting.
the parents can be mommy and daddy, mommy and mommy,daddy and daddy, just mommy, just daddy,,, or like i said, it doesnt even have to be a parent reading.
and it's just basically an expression of love to that child to make them feel special and loved.
I dont want to go into too much detail because it is not copyrighted.
so here is my problem....
the book is not yet illustrated, and although i could do it, i think it would be amazing
to have some of rosie's artwork as the illustrations. and i would like all profits from the book to go to one of rosie's charities.
i was in contact with someone that led me to believe she would get the book to ro and she thought that ro would definitely be interested. well, that didnt happen. i do believe this person was pretending to be someone she was not, so to make a LONG story somewhat brief, i am back at square one.
so if anyone has ANY suggestions as to how to maybe get this book to ro and see if she is interested, i would greatly appreciate it.. =)
thank you for reading..
xoxo
i have told only a select few in the past year
but i now need some help.
so i will share with my blog and internet friends and
if you have any suggestions let me know.
about a year ago i wrote a childrens book.
the book is meant to be read at bedtime by some of the wording
but the way it was written, it can be read to ANY child by ANYONE.
weather its a parent,aunt,uncle,cousin,babysitter,sibling,ect. there is no reference to
mommy,daddy, ect so it does not single out children in the "traditional" family setting.
the parents can be mommy and daddy, mommy and mommy,daddy and daddy, just mommy, just daddy,,, or like i said, it doesnt even have to be a parent reading.
and it's just basically an expression of love to that child to make them feel special and loved.
I dont want to go into too much detail because it is not copyrighted.
so here is my problem....
the book is not yet illustrated, and although i could do it, i think it would be amazing
to have some of rosie's artwork as the illustrations. and i would like all profits from the book to go to one of rosie's charities.
i was in contact with someone that led me to believe she would get the book to ro and she thought that ro would definitely be interested. well, that didnt happen. i do believe this person was pretending to be someone she was not, so to make a LONG story somewhat brief, i am back at square one.
so if anyone has ANY suggestions as to how to maybe get this book to ro and see if she is interested, i would greatly appreciate it.. =)
thank you for reading..
xoxo
sick baby
it gets me down
when my baby
now 7
gets sick
and there is nothing i can do
to make her feel better
im sure every mother in the world
feels the same
but even when sick
her spirit is still yellow
my babygirl
she's growing up so quick
2nd grade in less than a week
xoxo
Saturday, August 11, 2007
new link
so someone brought to my attention
(thank you PAT)
that i did not have pampos in my links
so there ya go
i cant believe i forgot
p as in petunia..
im watching ro right now on
leauge of thier own..
god, i love her
good night..
xoxo
(thank you PAT)
that i did not have pampos in my links
so there ya go
i cant believe i forgot
p as in petunia..
im watching ro right now on
leauge of thier own..
god, i love her
good night..
xoxo
Thursday, August 9, 2007
music..
i figured out how to add my music player..
yeah!!
its all the way at the bottom
so if you dont want to hear it
just scroll down and hit stop.. =)
thanks..
xo
yeah!!
its all the way at the bottom
so if you dont want to hear it
just scroll down and hit stop.. =)
thanks..
xo
about the website...lol
totally got in over my head
i am not a web master
so jill1119.com is on hold
i shall stay here for now
which is fine by me..
i was just looking for something
with some more options
but i will make due here
i wish there was a way to put an email form
like on rosie.com
there may be one i just have not found yet
we'll see
until tomorrow
xoxo
i am not a web master
so jill1119.com is on hold
i shall stay here for now
which is fine by me..
i was just looking for something
with some more options
but i will make due here
i wish there was a way to put an email form
like on rosie.com
there may be one i just have not found yet
we'll see
until tomorrow
xoxo
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
new website
so today i bought jill1119.com
i have never set up a website
and honestly dont know
if i have a clue how to
so this should be interesting
they tell me that i can start setting up
in approx. 24 hours
so i'll start working on it tomorrow
i'll keep everyone posted as to the progress
xoxo
jill
i have never set up a website
and honestly dont know
if i have a clue how to
so this should be interesting
they tell me that i can start setting up
in approx. 24 hours
so i'll start working on it tomorrow
i'll keep everyone posted as to the progress
xoxo
jill
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
connection with the dolphins
the most recent post on rosie.com
is about the dolphins in miami.
someone asked if she thought
that there was some sort of connection
like reincarnation.
i personally think that dolphins are pretty
and get a certain feeling when around them
but feel no extreme feeling or "connection"
but my daughter on the other hand does
and it just sort of clicked while i was reading
rosie's last post and watching the video.
i still dont know what it is but since kira was
about 2, there has been something with dolphins.
it started with her thinking that i liked dolphins
and every gift she has ever given me handmade or store bought
has had something to do with a dolphin
finally this year we asked her
very carefully as we did not want to hurt her
feelings or give her the idea that anything was not
appreciated, why she thought mommy liked dolphins so much.
she looked at us and with a face so much older than 7
said
i dont know, there's just something special about dolphins
and mommy is special like that to me too
so i always think of mommy when i see something
with a dolphin
i'm not sure that's what it is but thats what makes sence to her
so for now thats what it is
but i believe it is something inside HER
that makes HER feel good
maybe the same feeling rosie gets
at sea world this year,
taking her away from the dolphins was like pulling teeth
and she's not usually like that
at my moms house
three stories up
looking down into the ocean
"where are the dolphins?"
always
whatever it is
she gets it
xoxo
is about the dolphins in miami.
someone asked if she thought
that there was some sort of connection
like reincarnation.
i personally think that dolphins are pretty
and get a certain feeling when around them
but feel no extreme feeling or "connection"
but my daughter on the other hand does
and it just sort of clicked while i was reading
rosie's last post and watching the video.
i still dont know what it is but since kira was
about 2, there has been something with dolphins.
it started with her thinking that i liked dolphins
and every gift she has ever given me handmade or store bought
has had something to do with a dolphin
finally this year we asked her
very carefully as we did not want to hurt her
feelings or give her the idea that anything was not
appreciated, why she thought mommy liked dolphins so much.
she looked at us and with a face so much older than 7
said
i dont know, there's just something special about dolphins
and mommy is special like that to me too
so i always think of mommy when i see something
with a dolphin
i'm not sure that's what it is but thats what makes sence to her
so for now thats what it is
but i believe it is something inside HER
that makes HER feel good
maybe the same feeling rosie gets
at sea world this year,
taking her away from the dolphins was like pulling teeth
and she's not usually like that
at my moms house
three stories up
looking down into the ocean
"where are the dolphins?"
always
whatever it is
she gets it
xoxo
Saturday, August 4, 2007
once again
once again my 7 year old has taught me
made me see from a different point of view
pure
simple
innocent
last week
a special on discovery
florida's top 10 beaches
one of them was sanibel
about 30 minutes from us
known for the amazing sea shells
today we went
red sand pails
ready to fill
as we walk along the beach
tim and i stare down
hoping to find the perfect shell
back and forth
letting our eyes skip the broken pieces
no matter how pretty the color
not kira
anything with a shine
sparkle
hint of color
even the white ones
in the bucket they go
look mama this one's pretty
look for the whole ones
i tell her
they're better
shells are just like us mama
they dont have to be perfect
to be pretty
and once again
i learn
ill post pics tomorrow
good night
xoxo
made me see from a different point of view
pure
simple
innocent
last week
a special on discovery
florida's top 10 beaches
one of them was sanibel
about 30 minutes from us
known for the amazing sea shells
today we went
red sand pails
ready to fill
as we walk along the beach
tim and i stare down
hoping to find the perfect shell
back and forth
letting our eyes skip the broken pieces
no matter how pretty the color
not kira
anything with a shine
sparkle
hint of color
even the white ones
in the bucket they go
look mama this one's pretty
look for the whole ones
i tell her
they're better
shells are just like us mama
they dont have to be perfect
to be pretty
and once again
i learn
ill post pics tomorrow
good night
xoxo
Friday, August 3, 2007
poison ivy from a cashew?!?!?!
last friday my mother showed me an interesting looking fruit
cashew apple
come to find out..
we wondered how to get the nut
out of the little bean
on top of the fruit
we boiled
cut open
touched
tim even tasted
but he spit it right out
as it was disgusting
and now we all have rashes
just like poison ivy
very itchy
14 days
if someone asks you
if you want to see where cashews come from
just say no
its going to be a long 2 weeks
xo
cashew apple
come to find out..
we wondered how to get the nut
out of the little bean
on top of the fruit
we boiled
cut open
touched
tim even tasted
but he spit it right out
as it was disgusting
and now we all have rashes
just like poison ivy
very itchy
14 days
if someone asks you
if you want to see where cashews come from
just say no
its going to be a long 2 weeks
xo
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