checking in

i dont post enough

i need to make it part of the daily routine
rosie,flickr,blog
or something like that

i am pregnant
10 weeks along
morning sickness is going to be the death of me
i just want to sleep
the dr says first trimester is the hardest
lets hope so

my daughter is 7
will be 8 by the time the baby is born
and we're starting over with a newborn
oh boy

dont get me wrong
i am happy
but a little scared too

anyone out there have an 8 year difference in kids?
how is it?
am i doomed?

rosie.com
new and improved
i was reluctant at first
change is hard
but needed

i am used to it now
and i actually like it
bright
fun

i fear that i am blocked
a few times i have asked a ques.
live it said
but no answer
im sure she gets lots
when the button says live

breathe
i try so hard
sometimes the air
doesnt want to come in
but i'll keep tryin'

breathe
ro said to me
in miami
her voice
will never leave my head



xoxo

a different christmas poem... sent from a friend

A Different Christmas Poem
Let Us Not Forget Our Heroes!

The embers glowed softly,
and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room,
and I cherished the sight.

My wife was asleep,
her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me,
angelic in rest.

Outside the snow fell,
a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.

The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.

My eyelids were heavy,
my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.

In perfect contentment,
or so it would seem,
So I slumbered,
perhaps I started to dream.

The sound wasn't loud,
and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.

Perhaps just a cough,
I didn't quite know,
Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.

My soul gave a tremble,
I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.

Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood,
his face weary and tight.

A soldier,
I puzzled,
some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine,
huddled here in the cold.

Alone in the dark,
he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me,
and my wife and my child.

"What are you doing?"
I asked without fear.
"Come in this moment,
it's freezing out here!
"Put down your pack,
brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"

For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts.
To the window that danced
with a warm fire's light
Then he sighed and he said
"Its really all right".

"I'm out here by choice.
I'm here every night."
"It's my duty to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times,
No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here
like my fathers before me."
My Gramps died at
"Pearl on a day in December",
Then he sighed,
"That's a Christmas 'Gram' always remembers."

"My dad stood his watch in the jungles of 'Nam',
And now it is my turn and so,
here I am,
I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures,
he's sure got her smile."

Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red,
white,
and blue... an American flag.

"I can live through the cold and the being alone,
A way from my family,
my house and my home."
"I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother."

"Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall."
"So go back inside,"
he said,
"harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."

"But isn't there something I can do,
at the least,
Give you money,
I asked,
'or prepare you a feast'?
"It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son.
"Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,

"Just tell us you love us,
and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch,
no matter how long."

"For when we come home,
either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled
Is payment enough,
and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us".




i'm not sure of the author..
a good friend sent me this
tammy
pass it on..

xoxo

i met rosie!!

3 days ago
and just now
can i speak about it.

Sunday, nov. 4th.
dolphin mall,
miami,fl

a day i will never forget

i didnt say much
i planned in my head
what i was going to say

something clever
something to make her remember me
but not corney

and nothing..

i shook
and shivered
but no clever words

she senced it
she huged me
and told me to breath
a real hug
not like a stranger
it felt good
better than good
like when a baby falls asleep
on your chest good
or when you have just
gone through something
really hard
and its all better now

i wish i was better with words
to try and explain this
is near impossible

but i met her
face to face
eye contact
conversation
with rosie odonnell

rough copy of a book
in an envelope
hand painted
by kira and me
brief explination
illustrate
all profits
to rbk

sounds simple
but i know nothing is
in celebrityville
hopefully a reply
or some sort

but if not
i shall try again


xoxo

How do you choose?

When you have a major decision to make
That will effect everyone in your life
Good and bad
Some will b over joyed
Others will b crushed

When you yourself
Doesn't know which is best
Which path has true happiness at the end
How do you decide

Pick from a hat?
Each path has pros and cons
Both equal
There is no big red easy button
In real life

There is no answer written
In some big book of life

Some say do what makes you happy
I think those are people
That have never had to choose

I don't like being torn
Confused
Not knowing
Not one bit

If I was 5
I would lay on the floor
Kick and scream
Hold my breath till I turned blue

I don't think it would help
But it would probably feel good

Xoxo

what to do

curled up in the dark
most of my life
alone
thinking it was wrong

trying to ignore what i thought
and go on with a "normal" life
26 years of living how i think others want me to

each day
brings a bit more bravery
to come out of the dark
and into the light

i like the light
i hate the dark
but at times the dark is comforting
being by myself
there are no opinions in the dark
and i cant hurt anyone else

just how long can one live in the dark
there must come a time when
the light wins
and for once
I am happy

i need to be comfortable in the light
in time
i hope

little mermaid

i just read on perezhilton.com
little mermaid is coming to broadway!!

i am so excited
that in itself is a good reason
to take a trip to ny.

just wanted to share..
i just dont know how to find out
when it will be there..

if anyone knows how i can find out
please let me know



xoxo

ro posted and i wanted to share..

Buddhika Jayamaha is an Army specialist.
Wesley D. Smith is a sergeant.
Jeremy Roebuck is a sergeant.
Omar Mora is a sergeant.
Edward Sandmeier is a sergeant.
Yance T. Gray is a staff sergeant.
Jeremy A. Murphy is a staff sergeant.

this is their NYT OPED

VIEWED from Iraq at the tail end of a 15-month deployment, the political debate in Washington is indeed surreal. Counterinsurgency is, by definition, a competition between insurgents and counterinsurgents for the control and support of a population. To believe that Americans, with an occupying force that long ago outlived its reluctant welcome, can win over a recalcitrant local population and win this counterinsurgency is far-fetched. As responsible infantrymen and noncommissioned officers with the 82nd Airborne Division soon heading back home, we are skeptical of recent press coverage portraying the conflict as increasingly manageable and feel it has neglected the mounting civil, political and social unrest we see every day. (Obviously, these are our personal views and should not be seen as official within our chain of command.)
The claim that we are increasingly in control of the battlefields in Iraq is an assessment arrived at through a flawed, American-centered framework. Yes, we are militarily superior, but our successes are offset by failures elsewhere. What soldiers call the “battle space” remains the same, with changes only at the margins. It is crowded with actors who do not fit neatly into boxes: Sunni extremists, Al Qaeda terrorists, Shiite militiamen, criminals and armed tribes. This situation is made more complex by the questionable loyalties and Janus-faced role of the Iraqi police and Iraqi Army, which have been trained and armed at United States taxpayers’ expense.
A few nights ago, for example, we witnessed the death of one American soldier and the critical wounding of two others when a lethal armor-piercing explosive was detonated between an Iraqi Army checkpoint and a police one. Local Iraqis readily testified to American investigators that Iraqi police and Army officers escorted the triggermen and helped plant the bomb. These civilians highlighted their own predicament: had they informed the Americans of the bomb before the incident, the Iraqi Army, the police or the local Shiite militia would have killed their families.
As many grunts will tell you, this is a near-routine event. Reports that a majority of Iraqi Army commanders are now reliable partners can be considered only misleading rhetoric. The truth is that battalion commanders, even if well meaning, have little to no influence over the thousands of obstinate men under them, in an incoherent chain of command, who are really loyal only to their militias.
Similarly, Sunnis, who have been underrepresented in the new Iraqi armed forces, now find themselves forming militias, sometimes with our tacit support. Sunnis recognize that the best guarantee they may have against Shiite militias and the Shiite-dominated government is to form their own armed bands. We arm them to aid in our fight against Al Qaeda.
However, while creating proxies is essential in winning a counterinsurgency, it requires that the proxies are loyal to the center that we claim to support. Armed Sunni tribes have indeed become effective surrogates, but the enduring question is where their loyalties would lie in our absence. The Iraqi government finds itself working at cross purposes with us on this issue because it is justifiably fearful that Sunni militias will turn on it should the Americans leave.
In short, we operate in a bewildering context of determined enemies and questionable allies, one where the balance of forces on the ground remains entirely unclear. (In the course of writing this article, this fact became all too clear: one of us, Staff Sergeant Murphy, an Army Ranger and reconnaissance team leader, was shot in the head during a “time-sensitive target acquisition mission” on Aug. 12; he is expected to survive and is being flown to a military hospital in the United States.) While we have the will and the resources to fight in this context, we are effectively hamstrung because realities on the ground require measures we will always refuse — namely, the widespread use of lethal and brutal force.
Given the situation, it is important not to assess security from an American-centered perspective. The ability of, say, American observers to safely walk down the streets of formerly violent towns is not a resounding indicator of security. What matters is the experience of the local citizenry and the future of our counterinsurgency. When we take this view, we see that a vast majority of Iraqis feel increasingly insecure and view us as an occupation force that has failed to produce normalcy after four years and is increasingly unlikely to do so as we continue to arm each warring side.
Coupling our military strategy to an insistence that the Iraqis meet political benchmarks for reconciliation is also unhelpful. The morass in the government has fueled impatience and confusion while providing no semblance of security to average Iraqis. Leaders are far from arriving at a lasting political settlement. This should not be surprising, since a lasting political solution will not be possible while the military situation remains in constant flux.
The Iraqi government is run by the main coalition partners of the Shiite-dominated United Iraqi Alliance, with Kurds as minority members. The Shiite clerical establishment formed the alliance to make sure its people did not succumb to the same mistake as in 1920: rebelling against the occupying Western force (then the British) and losing what they believed was their inherent right to rule Iraq as the majority. The qualified and reluctant welcome we received from the Shiites since the invasion has to be seen in that historical context. They saw in us something useful for the moment.
Now that moment is passing, as the Shiites have achieved what they believe is rightfully theirs. Their next task is to figure out how best to consolidate the gains, because reconciliation without consolidation risks losing it all. Washington’s insistence that the Iraqis correct the three gravest mistakes we made — de-Baathification, the dismantling of the Iraqi Army and the creation of a loose federalist system of government — places us at cross purposes with the government we have committed to support.
Political reconciliation in Iraq will occur, but not at our insistence or in ways that meet our benchmarks. It will happen on Iraqi terms when the reality on the battlefield is congruent with that in the political sphere. There will be no magnanimous solutions that please every party the way we expect, and there will be winners and losers. The choice we have left is to decide which side we will take. Trying to please every party in the conflict — as we do now — will only ensure we are hated by all in the long run.
At the same time, the most important front in the counterinsurgency, improving basic social and economic conditions, is the one on which we have failed most miserably. Two million Iraqis are in refugee camps in bordering countries. Close to two million more are internally displaced and now fill many urban slums. Cities lack regular electricity, telephone services and sanitation. “Lucky” Iraqis live in gated communities barricaded with concrete blast walls that provide them with a sense of communal claustrophobia rather than any sense of security we would consider normal.
In a lawless environment where men with guns rule the streets, engaging in the banalities of life has become a death-defying act. Four years into our occupation, we have failed on every promise, while we have substituted Baath Party tyranny with a tyranny of Islamist, militia and criminal violence. When the primary preoccupation of average Iraqis is when and how they are likely to be killed, we can hardly feel smug as we hand out care packages. As an Iraqi man told us a few days ago with deep resignation, “We need security, not free food.”
In the end, we need to recognize that our presence may have released Iraqis from the grip of a tyrant, but that it has also robbed them of their self-respect. They will soon realize that the best way to regain dignity is to call us what we are — an army of occupation — and force our withdrawal.
Until that happens, it would be prudent for us to increasingly let Iraqis take center stage in all matters, to come up with a nuanced policy in which we assist them from the margins but let them resolve their differences as they see fit. This suggestion is not meant to be defeatist, but rather to highlight our pursuit of incompatible policies to absurd ends without recognizing the incongruities.
We need not talk about our morale. As committed soldiers, we will see this mission through.
================================
GOD BLESS YOU
THANK YOU
AMEN

secret

im going to let you guys in on a secret.
i have told only a select few in the past year
but i now need some help.

so i will share with my blog and internet friends and
if you have any suggestions let me know.

about a year ago i wrote a childrens book.
the book is meant to be read at bedtime by some of the wording
but the way it was written, it can be read to ANY child by ANYONE.
weather its a parent,aunt,uncle,cousin,babysitter,sibling,ect. there is no reference to
mommy,daddy, ect so it does not single out children in the "traditional" family setting.
the parents can be mommy and daddy, mommy and mommy,daddy and daddy, just mommy, just daddy,,, or like i said, it doesnt even have to be a parent reading.
and it's just basically an expression of love to that child to make them feel special and loved.
I dont want to go into too much detail because it is not copyrighted.

so here is my problem....
the book is not yet illustrated, and although i could do it, i think it would be amazing
to have some of rosie's artwork as the illustrations. and i would like all profits from the book to go to one of rosie's charities.

i was in contact with someone that led me to believe she would get the book to ro and she thought that ro would definitely be interested. well, that didnt happen. i do believe this person was pretending to be someone she was not, so to make a LONG story somewhat brief, i am back at square one.

so if anyone has ANY suggestions as to how to maybe get this book to ro and see if she is interested, i would greatly appreciate it.. =)

thank you for reading..

xoxo

sick baby

it gets me down

when my baby

now 7

gets sick

and there is nothing i can do

to make her feel better

im sure every mother in the world

feels the same

but even when sick

her spirit is still yellow

my babygirl

she's growing up so quick

2nd grade in less than a week

xoxo

new link

so someone brought to my attention
(thank you PAT)
that i did not have pampos in my links

so there ya go
i cant believe i forgot
p as in petunia..

im watching ro right now on
leauge of thier own..

god, i love her


good night..


xoxo

music..

i figured out how to add my music player..
yeah!!

its all the way at the bottom
so if you dont want to hear it
just scroll down and hit stop.. =)

thanks..


xo

about the website...lol

totally got in over my head
i am not a web master

so jill1119.com is on hold
i shall stay here for now
which is fine by me..
i was just looking for something
with some more options
but i will make due here

i wish there was a way to put an email form
like on rosie.com
there may be one i just have not found yet
we'll see

until tomorrow
xoxo

new website

so today i bought jill1119.com
i have never set up a website
and honestly dont know
if i have a clue how to
so this should be interesting

they tell me that i can start setting up
in approx. 24 hours
so i'll start working on it tomorrow

i'll keep everyone posted as to the progress


xoxo
jill

connection with the dolphins

the most recent post on rosie.com
is about the dolphins in miami.
someone asked if she thought
that there was some sort of connection
like reincarnation.

i personally think that dolphins are pretty
and get a certain feeling when around them
but feel no extreme feeling or "connection"
but my daughter on the other hand does
and it just sort of clicked while i was reading
rosie's last post and watching the video.

i still dont know what it is but since kira was
about 2, there has been something with dolphins.
it started with her thinking that i liked dolphins
and every gift she has ever given me handmade or store bought
has had something to do with a dolphin

finally this year we asked her
very carefully as we did not want to hurt her
feelings or give her the idea that anything was not
appreciated, why she thought mommy liked dolphins so much.

she looked at us and with a face so much older than 7
said
i dont know, there's just something special about dolphins
and mommy is special like that to me too
so i always think of mommy when i see something
with a dolphin

i'm not sure that's what it is but thats what makes sence to her
so for now thats what it is

but i believe it is something inside HER
that makes HER feel good
maybe the same feeling rosie gets

at sea world this year,
taking her away from the dolphins was like pulling teeth
and she's not usually like that

at my moms house
three stories up
looking down into the ocean
"where are the dolphins?"
always

whatever it is
she gets it



xoxo

once again

once again my 7 year old has taught me
made me see from a different point of view
pure
simple
innocent

last week
a special on discovery
florida's top 10 beaches
one of them was sanibel
about 30 minutes from us
known for the amazing sea shells

today we went
red sand pails
ready to fill

as we walk along the beach
tim and i stare down
hoping to find the perfect shell
back and forth
letting our eyes skip the broken pieces
no matter how pretty the color

not kira
anything with a shine
sparkle
hint of color
even the white ones
in the bucket they go
look mama this one's pretty

look for the whole ones
i tell her
they're better

shells are just like us mama
they dont have to be perfect
to be pretty

and once again
i learn

ill post pics tomorrow

good night


xoxo

poison ivy from a cashew?!?!?!

last friday my mother showed me an interesting looking fruit
cashew apple
come to find out..

we wondered how to get the nut
out of the little bean
on top of the fruit

we boiled
cut open
touched
tim even tasted
but he spit it right out
as it was disgusting

and now we all have rashes
just like poison ivy
very itchy
14 days

if someone asks you
if you want to see where cashews come from
just say no

its going to be a long 2 weeks


xo

7 years

yesterday my sister and i
gave my mother
her seven year medallion
7 years sober

i could not speak
infront of all those people
at the meeting on the beach
i just stood behind my sister as she spoke
a day i will probally regret
not saying a word

i remember her first day of sobriety
i had a 1 month old daughter
mom came out of her room that morning
in a hospital gown
bandages covering her left arm
neck to wrist

the truck flipped and slid over a mile
my mom's arm scraped against the concrete
after the window broke
airbag burns all over neck and chest
glass still in some wounds from being pulled from the windshield
dont drink and drive people
she fortunatly did not kill anyone

i was mad
because nobody called in the night
to tell me she was in the hospital
how selfish i was
only 7 years ago

she started to attend AA
im sure it was hard
but she never let us know it
she stayed strong for everyone else
im sure she cried at night
or when she was by herself

i have learned a lot from the program (AA)
-one day at a time-
they tell themselves "im not going to drink today"
one day at a time
i used this to quit smoking
everyday i would wake up
"im not going to smoke today"
before i knew it, it had been over a month
but still everyday
im not going to smoke today
one day at a time

-K.I.S.S-
keep it simple stupid
when things get crazy
just keep it simple
one thing at a time
i use this every day

these next two
i just learned over this past weekend
and hope to start applying them

-let go and let god-
i am not religious by most standards
whoever your god or "HIGHER POWER" is
just let go and let god
the rest is in his or her hands
in my case i believe its her
i just need to learn to trust her
with the things that are too big
for me to handle alone

-there is only one day that matters-
TODAY!

i am not in the program
i was lucky enough not to inherit the disease of addiction
but thank god for it
without it i would not have my mom
or sister
and i will continue to use pieces of the program
to make me a better me

congradulations mom
even though i could not say it outloud
i am proud of you

i am running out of steam

i try to think positive
tell myself one day it will happen
but its hard to believe

i picture myself
sitting
chatting
painting

i am starting to think i am crazy
everyone else does

i am not obsessed with celebrities
why do i feel this way?

its more than a need to connect

how do you convince a star
that you are not nutts
not a stalker
but just someone that has
some sort of unexplainable need
to be noticed by them
just to know i exist

i dont even understand it
how can i expect someone else to..

it gets very aggrivating sometimes
always having to defend myself to people

"you'll see".. i say
"i'll meet her one day"

crazy they say..
crazy is ok with me
if i can be crazy and spend just one
day with ro...
it would be well worth being crazy






xoxo

TGIF

boy do i love fridays..
no alarm tomorrow
no work
just family time
maybe some laundry.. =)

i love the new fergie song
maybe its not so new anymore
big girls dont cry
its been on repeat for the last 3 days
love it

that was pretty random..
no creative words or topics are flowing today

ill go before i start to ramble..
have a good weekend whoever reads this




xoxo

changing the format just a little bit....

ok so the point when i started this
was for it to be all ro all the time
but that almost seems stalkerish
so im going to use this blog as an
outlet for whatever i'm thinking
or feeling

maybe ill write more that way

ill start posting pictures
make it more interesting

today i added a box that will let you
comment directly to my myspace page

i wonder if i can somehow link my flickr page
like ro has it.. i dont want this to be a duplicate of
her page but it's alot easier to upload to flickr i think..

so we shall see...

xoxo

wow, its been a while.
i need to write more
but i dont think anyone comes here anyway
sometimes the words just dont want to come..

new group on flickr
people are AMAZING

vivi in costume
and the spin begins

paris is free
our soldiers are not
yet she gets bombarded for interviews

something is wrong here people

xoxo

has nothing to do with ro but i really enjoyed this..written by patti davis

When Celebs Abuse Rehab
I never went to a drug rehabilitation facility, but I should have.

May 30, 2007 - Lindsay Lohan is back in rehab. Back? Wasn’t she just there? Fellow bad girl Britney Spears wasn’t in long enough for her hair to grow back. Meanwhile, Paris Hilton zipped right by rehab and picked up the GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL card.


In the last year or so, rehab has become the ultimate publicity tool, a brief break from the glitzy life, a chance to burnish one’s reputation. (The bad girls aren’t alone in this regard; see Mel Gibson, Isaiah Washington.) What we’ve forgotten is that rehab is supposed to result in rehabilitation. Hence the name. Rehabilitating one’s life, when it’s broken and damaged, is not just a weekend stay.
I never went to rehab. I should have. I plunged willingly, desperately, into addiction at the pliable age of 15. My poison, my love, was speed. It came in pretty colored tablets called amphetamines. Over the years it changed to capsules—some clear with orange and black granules inside, some pure black. Like the devil. Like hell.
Like the hell I lived in well into my 20s. Cocaine replaced pills at some point. But that wasn’t a big change. I was on the same rushing road—the road that too often leads to a fiery blinding end, way before your years would justify death by anything other than a speeding car or a bullet.
I quit because I decided not to die. I quit all alone—the same way I started. I quit in spite of long nights when the taste of cocaine would come up in my throat—drifting up out of my cells, I guess—and I wanted it so badly my nails dug into my palms until they drew blood. I quit by trying to live inside a body that was so much older than my years—I could actually feel my blood, my organs lurching along, almost like they were asking what they were supposed to do without the jacked up jolt of the drugs they’d gotten used to for so many years. My thoughts, my head, my dreams … black doesn’t even begin to describe that territory. For over a decade, I’d only known the world through the blur of speed.
It was the late '70s. There probably was rehab in some form, but I didn’t know, and I didn’t search. I wish so badly now that I had been able to go into a facility like the ones that abound now. An environment dedicated to pushing me into wellness. An environment with people who had already stumbled down the road that was before me, people who could teach me, console me, shake me up. People who knew my excuses, my rationalizations, my manipulations even before they came out of my mouth.
It makes me angry when I see how the opportunity of being in rehab can be abused as nothing more than a slick PR move. A brief retreat from the paparazzi. How lucky these celebrities are to be able to go to one of these facilities (which are not cheap) and to benefit from the wisdom and help that waits behind the gates.
I struggled for years to learn on my own what someone like Lohan could learn in months, if she were willing to do so. Of course, that learning also has to be followed by practice. Every day. Forever. But it can start in rehab.
Abusing ourselves with any kind of substance abuse is a violation of the gift of life—it isn’t what any of us were put here for. And treating rehab like it’s just a strategic career move is practically blasphemous.
I imagine the other people in these rehab facilities, watching a celebrity breeze in for a week or so, then leave. I imagine their anger—actually, I don’t have to imagine it, I feel it, too. It’s hard to fix the places where you’re broken, hard to wrestle with your demons. If you don’t take the help that’s available along the way, there will come a day when you are left all alone with demons that have grown so big and so vicious that you can’t defeat them. A lot of people know that and commit themselves to the hard and serious work of rehab. They're the ones who won't have to face the bleak dark road that waits for those celebrities who believe bright lights define them.
Davis, the daughter of Nancy and Ronald Reagan, is a writer based in Los Angeles.
© 2007 Newsweek, Inc.

oh ro, you'll be missed

i had a feeling last wed.
that would be it
split screen made me sick
"go to commercial"
joy and i in unison
i wanted to reach through the screen
embrace ro
choke eh.

ro says she is ok now
i believe her
time with family heals

and on we go
what will the next adventure be
whatever it is
i will follow
support
admire
as always

here they are

my new tattoos...... the "peace" one is the one i was describing before....the other is on my wrist...

happy mothers day to all...

xoxo

tattoo

i had planned on ro's face with her signature under it
but with respect i asked her first
(that was the question she answered on rosie.com)
she said to ge one that said peace instead..
i hope she didnt think i was crazy....

so my mind started going in all sorts of directions
trying to think of a way to put "peace" on me somewhere
she suggested it so i have to somehow...
i didn't like the common peace symbol so that was out...

so here's what i came up with......
(im getting the first one tonight)

on the top of my back (shoulderblade area)

my daughters hand giving the "peace" sign
(wich actually came from a picture that kira said
"this is for rosie" when i took it..and threw up the sign)
with a banner above and below that says
"dream it to believe it"
wich is a saying that ro says all the time..
i think she got it from dr. phill originally
but it really has changed the way i think of a lot of things

so that is number one...i'll post pics tomorrow


the other one i'll get in a few weeks

a peace symbol with the gay pride flag on one side
and the american flag on the other (inside the circle)
i'll get that one on my ankle..

see you tomorrow with pics..


xoxo

on the road

summer blog on the road
explain in 200 or less
why they should come to you

and i can't think of a damn thing to say...

ill come up with something.
that would be amazing..
jahero pulling up at my house..
i think i'd die

i shouldn't get excited
but its hard not to
just the thought of it..

i would have beer
chocolate
big turkey legs
and cold pizza..
lol

sounds like an interesting combo
jahero is an interesting combo
funny..
and addicting
i wonder if my addiction to ro
is anything like a drug addiction...

summer blog tour
wow

i feel a strong connection comming..



xoxo

she answered me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i asked a question on rosie.com and she answered.........................



i'm SOOOOO excited.... just had to share...



xoxo

scared

i am scared....

too many things to list

i dont like this feeling
the unknown..

its like there's a tornado in my brain..
too much noise..

if the wind would just stop,
i could write about it..
maybe feel better


maybe later
xoxo

spingle

spine tingling
hand shaking
heart pounding
SPINGLE

a connection was made today
what we are all looking for i believe
to connect somehow with a similar soul

i hope this is the beggining of something lifelong
not just a one time deal
i am hoping for a lot i know
but if i have no hope
there can be no outcome

"u must dream it to believe it"
"always go for it"

this is what ro's letter on the bottom of the page was supposed to look like

ro
u dont know me
yet i feel like i know you so well
there are so many things i want
to tell you
u seem so easy to talk to
its your eyes
so honest
open

your eyes are an open door to your soul
i can see
i sometimes wonder if others see what i see
if they feel the same connection
and yearn to tell u
to shake your hand
and say thank you
thank you for being you
for putting yourself out there
for the joy of others
putting yourself on the line
so that others can see
see who you are
and what you stand for

maybe others dont feel this way
could i be the only one?
i doubt it
but i doubt that they feel the same

when i look at you i see
a MOTHER so strong and stable
able to take care of and love unconditionally
a WIFE so beautiful able to open your heart
and let someone else in and never let her go
a DAUGHTER scared and unsure at times
needing the mother that was taken away from you
so early
a FRIEND so loyal and fun
a BUISNESS WOMAN so smart
an ARTIST so talented
and a WOMAN
all the above qualities and more
put into the shape of YOU

you are a role model and make me proud
to be all of the above

i await the day when i can tell you
all these things to your face
until then, an online blog that you
will probably never see will do.

xoxo
jill

what's important anyway?

i ask myself this almost daily..

im at a fork
on the road i call life

if i stay straight
and continue the path i am on
there is a decent pay check
a way of living that i have grown a custom to
nice house
$ in the bank
but with those things does not come happiness
its lonely
my father and my step-mother
dont give a shit about my daughter
not even a card for easter
or ever an outing for ice cream
like grandparents should
they have more money than god
but i sometimes wonder if they have hearts
kira would be happy to play a simple game of go fish
but nothing



now i have a choice to take the fork
3 hours east to sunny ft lauderdale
where my mother,step-father,sister,and grandmother are
thats family
they know what quality time means
to love rather than buy
my mother
living 3 hours away
has come just to spend the afternoon
cuddle up with kira and read a book
kira's eyes light up as soon as she sees her
"TUTU" she calles her
hawian for grandma
no
we are not hawian
but mom thought it was cute
so for 7 years now
tutu it is


so that is the question
we all need money to live
but the quality of living
that is our choice
so we may have to work harder
a little more hours
the pay off
even if not in dollars and cents
is well worth it

so there ya have it
we have chosen the fork
deerfield,ft lauderdale,miami
not sure which one yet
all three beautiful
full of yellow
sun
family
peace
of mind that is
knowing we are doing all we can
to teach kira love
the best gift we as parents can give

sad

i am sad today
32 dead in va.
things like that shouldn't happen
there is nothing i can do
just one person
but it is sad

i still have ro's birthday presant
sitting on my desk
along with a letter
and an offer of some sort
i am afraid to send it
in fear that she wont get it
sad

there are people starving
and i am sad that i cant get a
letter to ro
that in itself is sad

i am a lucky person really
i have clothes on my back
a roof over my head
food on my table
a husband that loves me
a beautiful daughter
and i am alive
but i am sad

how can i know and realize all these
great things in my life
and still be sad

makes no sence to me
but i am

sad

introductions

this should have been the first post
but i got ahead of myself....

welcome to my blog..
i am a 25 year old married, mother of one.
i live in florida, and hope to one day move up north

i love my husband, but i like women too.
i love my 6 1/2 year old daughter, but she at times drives me crazy.
i have a best friend that lives way too far away
i am not close to either of my parents yet i talked to them every day
i am not open about most things and find it hard to talk about anything personal

this blog is a big step
let thoughts and feelings out for once
instead of holding them in
kind of like theropy in the keyboard

my name is jill
husband is tim
daughter kira

hopefully future posts will not be so cunfusing that they are not understandable
but we shall see..
as i explained before
i am not a good speller
and my grammar sucks

i am not looking for fights or arguments with anyone
here i will simply state how i feel
if you dont like it
thats ok
thats why this is my blog

feel free to ask me anything,
i will do my best to answer

some will hate me
some may love me

either way is fine with me

but i need a place to let out all the shit in my head
i hope this is it

xoxo

ro's contract

i wonder if she will renew
i dont think so
so much shit since the view
she doesn't deserve in my opinion
all the bs

people r so hard on her
just for her opinion
i take it personal
all these morons bashing her
like she is my sister or something
i dont even know her past the celebrity
nobody does really
but it still hurts me

i am proud to defend ro
(i call her ro cause i read that she
does not like "rosie")
there i go
off subject again
ill get better at this writing thing
as time goes by

i hope the family decides
no to renew
i will miss ro on tv
but she deserves a break
to think freely
without being bashed
to enjoy her children
while they are still young

i hope she moves
to miami 4 good

sun
doll fins
paint
sea
peace





xoxo

4/16/07 "the view"

bill m today..
holy shit!

i have never seen or heard
him before.
totally agree with all he said
i will now watch his show
love his views

i wonder if he will get in trouble
for what he said

it is scarry to see people
watching what they say
i hate it..
what is freedom of speech anyway?

first post...im nervous almost

so this came to me yesterday
a way to let others know what
i am going through, my journey
so to speak...

most i talk to dont get it..
whats the big deal about rosie
they ask me.....

theres some sort of connection
i cant explain..
i know were not related
and im not the type to go
gaga over celebrities
spingle
as she would say
when i look into her eyes
in a picture or on tv.
like i already know her..
a long lost friend that i have actual memories
with..
she doesn't even know i exist, how can i
feel this way?
well, that is what i am trying to figure out.

maybe you can help me,
strangers reading my innermost thoughts and
feelings.......

i will warn you now,
i cant spell
and im sure that my grammar is not correct
if u dont like it, im sorry, but that is me
if you dont like ro, or dont agree with her,
that is your right, and your opinion, but this is not the place
for you....
if you're looking for a fight, this is not the place for you either.
your comment will simply be deleted.....

with that said
i look forward to blogging with
you..............


xoxo